I'm on a Sabbatical

I've been saying that I want to settle down and be stable but my actions seem to contradict that notion so much that I was starting to doubt myself. I was getting insecure and thinking what if this is just a reaction or a way I self-sabotage. That everyone else seems to be able to stay still themselves and while not everyone is actually happy about it, some can at least suppress it enough to almost at least abide by that societal standards of settling in one place. And maybe by not feeling content in one place is just a trauma response.  See, I'm not dismissing that and there can be truth to it. But at the end of the day, I just wasn't happy and I didn't see myself as content in the city. Chicago is a perfectly wonderful place but I just don't feel like it's my home. And that's okay - I gave it a shot and now I'm moving on. Could it be self-sabotaging? Well I mean what is self-sabotage? As corny as it is, if I just take Psychology Today's definition ...

And we're back. After trying my best to find a way to settle down, I just couldn't do it. Not here, not under these circumstances. I really wanted it to work out though. Do you know how much effort it takes to keep moving? And not just yourself, but your stuff - not just personal baggage stuff - but big things like sofa and mattresses. For the past 5 years, I feel like there's been a consistent train of it. For the first 3 years or so, it was mostly just moving myself and a few clothes/personal items from one place to another, like a city to the next. Often one country to another - sometimes one continent to another. And then the last 2, I really tried to settle down in Chicago. The first year, I was an absolute hermit. I would just stay in my place and I was content. The second year, not so much - I realized that I needed more from the city and my place. Even though I loved my space as I started to make it my own, I learned it wasn't enough after a while.  And after a ...