I'm on a Sabbatical

I tried to play tennis. Went on a lesson and the first day was great. I didn't expect to meet people but I did so that was a nice bonus. I met someone who is very energetic, university in US and wanting that whole hustle/grind. And as much as I want to like it, I just felt a bit exhausted. It's not her fault at all though. I want to have her energy and enthusiasm actually.  One thing I noticed was that I started stumbling when I had to start playing the game. It's like I didn't want to win. Or I didn't want to put that much effort to be competitive. And I wonder if this is what's holding me back.  ___ Tennis is one of those sports that I've always wanted to try and actually do. And I did for the most part. I signed up for a class. I was so close to finishing it, but spoiler alert, my foot got injured in one of the classes and I didn't make it to the last class. But it was 6 classes, I've attended 5 of them. I had a great time each time I was there. I...

Consistent Theme of Believing in Myself  Yesterday, I read a book called 'Welcome to the Hyunam-dong Bookshop'. It's the perfect book to read for my current circumstance. A happenstance or fate. I started reading it because I couldn't sleep the last night in my apartment back in Chicago. Then I read it the whole two flights and the Toronto airport. It was one of the fewest times I'm grateful to have a stopover so I can keep reading a book. I couldn't stop it at all - each chapter had a moment that I connected with. The characters and their woes helped me understand my emotions and what I've just done myself to myself.  During that time, I wrote some notes on my phone on some revelations that went into my head: I don't have to take a gamble on myself anymore because I've proven myself to me. So these days, I take the risk and gamble on the unknown opportunities knowing that I am the insurance. And that I can now trust that I'll always act for the ...

Few More Nights As straightforward as it seems, seeing my stuff be sold bit by bit is quite painful. The whole time I kept thinking I want to find someone who would appreciate them. How they cared for me or made me feel secure. How I was able to use them to build a secure life for myself. And as I sold each one, they turn into dollar bills. And maybe that's what makes it more profound because I can touch the bills. And it's almost like - I'm converting each safety and comfort that I've built into endless possibilities. The way that I would use these USD to convert to Japanese Yen later makes me happy in a way. It's like, in a weird way - the item is giving back to me. An experience, a souvenir, whatever it might be. But it's a conversion. And I think money is like that - the energy of money that once allowed me to have a safe and secure routine will now transform itself into adventure and experience. And I'm the one giving in the emotion by using it. Through...